Remembering Cathy

Cathy was my mother and the reason why we are in business today. She was the best hype man you could dream of but also accepted nothing less than perfection from me. Did we bump heads from time to time...yes but it was always rooted in love. She passed away five years ago today, and it only felt right to reshare (with some tweaks) a blog dedicated to her and what I wished I'd said to her when she was still living, and what it'd say to her now. Three years ago, I was in a very vulnerable state of mind...and it took me two long years to get there. The first year plus some of her passing, I spent drinking and taking substances every day to run away from the pain and disbelief. When I slowed down faced my feelings from time to time, the floodgates opened and that's how I created the piece below. Enjoy.

"When my mother passed away, and I was burdened with the task of saying a ‘few words’, I dropped the ball. I have no idea what I said but I know for sure that I tried to make it rhyme. I mean, I was up there in front of the people who loved her the most, who traveled hundreds of miles to see her be laid to rest, and I wrote a one minute, third grade style poem. How dare I?

She was worth so much more than that and deserved way more. Writing comes easy to me. Give me a topic or word, and I can write my thoughts on it or something relatable in less than 10 minutes. So, what was the word centered around my few words? I have no idea. Was it Cathy, mommy, mom,…death? I literally don’t know. But I do know it was garbage. 

It hadn’t hit me yet. Sure, we chose clothes for the funeral, chose a casket etc., but I had my managerial, ‘get shit done’ hat on, the entire time. I wrote what I wrote because it was a task rather than an opportunity for those who stared at me from the crowd, to see my mom how I saw her. The selfless, energetic, extra, loving and caring woman she was, was gone forever, and I did her no justice. 

Imagine joking with someone one day and driving 8 hours to see them helpless, the next. Imagine standing in front of your best friends that you look up to or that you regularly encourage and being nervous about making them proud. Or what about people staring at you that could’ve meant ill will toward the woman who meant the world to you. The biggest fear was for my brothers and sisters to be disappointed in what I wrote and wondering how our family dynamic would be moving forward. 

Cathy, mommy, mama…. deserved the world. I wish I had the courage to feel what I should’ve felt and said what I should’ve said, but I didn’t. I’m never one to back down from a challenge or be comfortable with failing at something so drastic, but there I was. The Virgo in me didn’t care how bad it was. I just wanted to sit back down. My feet hurt. The crowd was a blur. I wanted to be hugging and comforting everyone rather than being at the forefront. I would worry about myself later.... whenever that day would come.

So, mama, what I should’ve said was, how dare you? How dare you leave such a mark on so many people's lives all to just snatch it away from us? How dare you ask for grandchildren but not stay with us long enough to meet them? How dare you love me so damn much that anything I wanted, you made happen? You fed so many people with your love AND your food. You wanted to be remembered and to make a mark, and damn it, you did. I've learned more about my life as a child that I blocked out due to trauma, that I'm not ready to share with the world just yet...but I WILL SAY...how dare you keep those secrets from me as if I weren't strong enough to withstand the truth?

You got on my nerves so much, whether you were right or wrong. You wanting to have the last word and me wanting the same, were the worst times we ever had, which I realize now was a blessing more than anything. You stood strong and did all you could to give us the best life. I never knew we were 'broke' because you made things manageable and memorable. Boiling hot water to take a bath…. how cool! Having me and my siblings gather coupons for restaurants we earned for good grades.... what a reward! Sitting outside of Fred’s to sell cookies I made from scratch to afford my cheerleading dues…what a way for me to learn independence! 

Cathy, you had a hard life growing up and still beautifully grew into the woman you became. You protected my fears, worries and dreams instead of projecting your past hurts and let downs onto me. Because of all of that.... I'm here today. Because of you being here and ironically enough, not being here.... Simplicity Stays, LLC is here and here to stay."

Thank you for reading. Hopefully this gave you insight on our background a little more. We aren't a business created out of greed or bringing down the culture or community of New Orleans, we are a business created out love. We hope to bring you more blogs in the future.